~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My best friend [who is now my boyfriend] had been staying with me for a few days in Tampa. We had been trying to find him a place to stay and a job. So yesterday I took him back to our mutual friend's house where he has been living. Our friend's house is an hour and a half from where I live. After I dropped my boyfriend off, I started driving home. It was about 3:00 am...

Everything was fine until I got onto the interstate. I was going 75 mph when my car suddenly swerved. I don't know if it was because I was tired or because I had a blowout, but I lost control of my tires and slammed headlong into a guardrail in the median of the road. All I remember was not knowing which way the ground was and trying to keep my head from slamming into the window. My car rolled onto it's side and would have flipped if it hadn't been for the guardrail. One of the tires jammed up into the engine, and the car was emitting billows of smoke.

I got out of the car and stumbled to the edge of the road. Then I collapsed because I suddenly felt that I was hurt. My wrist had been shattered and the seat belt had injured my collarbone area. Two chinese men pulled over on the other side of the road and called 911. They helped me get across the street because they were afraid that my car would catch on fire. After that, a police officer showed up and got me into his car where I waited for an ambulance. He got my cell phone and my wallet from the car and helped me call my parents who live close by.

When the ambulance came, I stood up and immediately felt like I would pass out and simultaneously vomit. The paramedics got me onto a stretcher and put a neck brace on me. I felt better as soon as I was lying down. My hair was painfully caught under the board that they put me on, and it would stay that way until long after I had been admitted into the hospital. They couldn't move my head to free my hair at first because they were not sure if I had any neck injuries.

The ambulance ride wasn't that terrible. It was actually calming. The bright lights kept me from falling asleep and gave me something to focus on. The IV wasn't even bad. When they slipped it in, I detached myself by repeating in my head passages from books that I had memorized. That reassured me because I knew that I did not have any serious brain injuries.

I did not cry until I met my parents at the hospital thirty minutes later, and it was only because of the pain of having my hair pulled. But still, the pull on my hair distracted me from the excruciating pain in my left wrist. Unless I held it in place, pain would shoot from the wrist outward to my fingertips and elbow... My dad seemed fine. Like me, he is a calm and unemotional person. My mother was crying but she wasn't the emotional wreck that I had expected. I tried to be reassuring and keep as still as possible.

Once they got me into a room and onto a bed, they did some other things but I can't really remember what. There were a lot of nurses. I remember having a pain reliever injected through my arm but it kept wearing off... My parents eventually came into the room. I asked them to call my sister and my friend who my boyfriend is staying with. I could hear my sister freaking out while my mother talked to her over the phone. She blamed herself for not making me wait till the morning to drive. But it was my fault. She had told me to get some sleep before driving. I just didn't listen.

They did a CAT scan, and afterward I could finally get my hair removed from under the board. The neckbrace and the tape came off. Then they took about twenty different xrays of my neck, collarbone, wrist, and arm. It hurt like hell because the xray technician kept twisting my hurt arm around to get pictures at different angles.

After that, my arm was put in a splint, and I was prescribed vicadin. I could finally leave the hospital. My parents took me back to their house where I crashed. I was scheduled to work today and tomorrow but I had to call in [of course]. I think it will be a while before I can go to work again. My arm will be put in a cast for 4-6 weeks which seems like forever. And my car... it's totaled. But I had insurance covering it... and since it seems the accident was caused by a blowout, I might be able to get a replacement car... I also feel bad for causing my dad so much stress. He is already paying my rent. Now he has to cover the hospital bill and figure out what to do about my car.

I'm just glad that I was the only one in the car. I'm glad my boyfriend wasn't in the passenger seat. I'm thankful for the two men that called 911 for me and got me away from my car. I also am reminded of my cousin's accident that resulted in his death. I don't know how to feel.

Anyway, I felt like I should document my first [and hopefully last] near-death experience.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I meet you at my doorstep,

I meet you for the first time

every time.

And it is lovely.

lovely, lovely.

To hear you speak

such brilliant words,

to hear you speak at all.

To see you smile

or chuckle quietly

personal, personable, intimate.

I want to see you, I want to meet you

for the first time

every time.

And float in the

lovely, lovely

Oblivion

with you as my anchor,

intertwined like twins

in the womb of space.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

like many poets, I find it difficult to write happy poetry. but I like being happy so I will just have to experiment with being happy and writing happily. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

happiness is a song

sung from lips hesitant to smile

and eyes hesitant to accept

the light pouring from the tunnel's end.

happiness is a familiar story

told once and forgotten

told twice and remembered

realized and lost, found and treasured.

happiness is a form of love

love of self, love of another

love for the oxygen that feeds the blood

and prolongs the joy of existence.

happiness is a song

happiness is a song

and it is hard to sing after so long.

but breathe your strength into my lungs

feed my hunger, fill my lacking

I will sing for you and only you

as the

most

joyful

skybird.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~